zip!

This last month and a half has been a blurr of tears, blood, baby vomit and shit. I have been feeling up the last two days....that is a record. Half the time I can not tell if I am coming or going. Olivia had a good day today. THe melt downs did not start until Her Father came home, usually it is the opposite. We are supposed to go to the mall tomorrow for a playdate. God I hope that child is in a good tomorrow, or this could get U G L Y. I am excited to get outof the house. You know it is bad when grocery shopping is the highlight of your week.....sigh. I felt really good yesterday and the day before. More 'up' than I have felt in over a month. I thought maybe the baby blues were going away. now at this moment I feel really irritated and tired and isolated and frustrated and I just want to sit and watch Law and Order in peace! Sometimes I wish I couls wake up and just for a day not be anyones anyone. No one's Mother, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Friend....some days I just want everyone to go away. Some days I do not give a shit what is for dinner or if this stain will come out of your shirt, or if the baby is crying.....I just want to watch Law and Order.